scoresheet depression

i know, i know. things hadn’t been good for me this second grading. i’m totally messing up my academics. i still suck at debating. my schedule was overloaded and oftentimes, overlapping. my extra-curriculars piled up on me (at least it felt that way). i didn’t do my best in some things which produced seriously crap outcome. i was absent two times this quarter. for the first time in my life, i submitted something late (sulatin) and was not able to avail of chance to improve grade !!!! woow. it feels good ranting about all these things… thank goodness no one i really know, well except for marielle, reads this thing.

i’m just gonna keep on ranting! these things are normal anyway, i think.

*sigh. second year! second year, supposedly the easiest year in the whole of high school. yeah right. it’s been the most hell-ish one for me yet. i mean, it started out good.. then it just kept getting worse. i left gradeschool really happy. grade 7 was almost like heaven. though i was tired and i felt the beginnings of stress, i was fulfilled and everything i worked for showed great results (soo unlike now). my first year was… well… it wasn’t the best. it could have been worse. i was able to tolerate it with the help of friends. oh, and the academics wasn’t that hard. i enjoyed science!.. and i was good at it too. *sigh. those were the days.

second year started out great! i had an awesome summer performing at repertory philippines and watching and actively giving my own views and pieces of mind with politics! oh, how i love politics! just following it and watching it unfold makes my heart flutter and my brain exhilarate with adventure! well, i may not be as knowledgeable yet, but i know i’m getting there. one day, i wanna have a career in politics. i don’t have to be a politician. i could be anything else related to politics (analyst, economist, chief of staff, judge, undersecretary, secretary, ambassador, etc. anything!) ok… i went away from the topic. i was still in the high average class with the people i love. although, most of my really tight 1-A friends aren’t my classmates anymore. that’s fine. i love my classmates!!!! we have an awesome adviser! i was making a lot of new friends! i decided to go to debate club, and i passed the screening!!!! i am still in insights. i am proud to say that i am still in the honor’s society! i had to turn down COCC, though. i applied for SAC (student affairs committee) and got accepted under accommodations! i was nominated by my class for Bb. CSA and i passed first and second screenings and i am now one of the 15 finalists!!!

i wasn’t in a pull-out class. i’m not part of the council. i didn’t join COCC. i wasn’t selected for the props committee.

and those things aren’t bad at all. in fact, my non-membership of the above ogranizations were a blessing in disguise because sometimes (or a lot of the time) i realyl don’t know and can not manage my time! so yeah… lol. that’s not what made second year, hell.

when i think of it, second year is actually really good to me. a lot of good things are happening and blessings also seem to shower me and my family. i got the things i have been dreaming of.

so why am i sad and why is it hell?

i guess there is only one answer to that, ACADEMICS. i don’t think i need to explain furthur that i am not doing well. I SUCK. I SUCK. I SUCK. my class standing is like —-. my grades are —–. —btw, don’t think of those broken lines as curses. they were meant as something like “i can’t even think of a word for it”.— and you know what’s the worst part? i’ve been actually giving my effort. it still is my priority above all. where are the results? there are none. it’s as if the time i spend doing my requirements and thinking of my essays and speeches and activities, and the late nights and early mornings and lots of free times i sacrifice for the sake of studying for quizzes don’t even pay off. heck, i don’t even know if they’re still worth it….

ok.. um.. yeahh. need i say more? i’m depressed.

help me because report card day is on november 12 and i am terrified of my standing….

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