Wake-up, Anna!

Have you ever felt so strongly and so in-the-zone about something that you have the urge to write it all down, so you don’t loose track? That’s essentially what is happening to me right now. I’m rapidly typing on a public computer in my school’s library, just so I could hold on to my thoughts. I know I’ll lose them or forget about them if I don’t.

This weekend has been full of realisations. This weekend is my wake-up call, as I’d like to call it.

A good friend once told me that if you bully someone enough to make him feel bad about himself, he will strive do do better. You know what really pushes someone to do better? It’s the very pained realisation that you he/she could have done much better or could have done much more. I feel like I’ve been shortchanging myself, always settling for what I already have and what I already am just because I feel lazy and/or too tired already. I get fatigued even by doing things I enjoy and being around many people. I’ve lost the will to challenge myself in new ways.

I know I’ve already realised a number of times that I need to work much harder to get the things I want, and I do know that I am better now than I was before, but today I realised this isn’t even near my best yet.

What kind of life had I been living, settling for what the world has been giving me?

Today, the world has given me more BS than I can already take. This is my wake-up call. It’s time for me to protest.

It’s time for me to work smarter and not harder. It’s time for me to do the things I love, not only because I love them, but because I want to improve myself. It’s time for me to stop focusing on what gives me happiness, but to start thinking about the direction my life is going in and work towards that direction. It’s time for me to stop focusing on any single aspect of my life. It’s time for me to do more, and essentially to BE MORE.

If there’s something I learned through everything (which I seem to have forgotten or at least stop practicing somewhere along the way), it’s to always push myself to do better and to become better.

The journey doesn’t end. This is the wake-up call.

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