I am She

Why is it so hard to forgive? Why is it so hard to look past someone’s mistakes? Why is it in our nature to always look at the bad?

They say that one must let go of bad things so one can be happy. They say that one must forgive in order to be happy. But to forgive is such a courageous act, for it is not in human nature to let go.

I wish I could be the resilient person I used to be. I wish to go back in time before everything got fucked up.
Because right now, I couldn’t see past what happened. I gave my wounds time. Time disappointed me and passed without bringing me closer to closure.

I can’t move past it. I can’t move past anything. Everywhere I go, Everything I do, every choice I make reminds me of the heartaches she has caused. I hate her and all the terrible things she has done to my life. I hate her and all the opportunities she caused me. I hate her and all the failures has brought into my life. I hate her for making this hard for me. I hate her for who she is.

I live with her. Her presence consumes me.

I am looking at her. I am looking at the person I hate the most.
I touch my face. She touches hers.
I cry. She cries.
I kneel down. She kneels down with me.
I am looking at a mirror.
I am she.

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